Somatic Shadow Work
What is the shadow?
Shadow includes the parts of ourselves that are out of our awareness, whether intentionally for our psychological protection or unintentionally through an unconscious process.
We cannot possibly be aware of every single thing that goes on, so total awareness is not the goal of shadow work. Instead, we aim to expand our awareness to recognize the things that are present with us that may need or want our attention.
Shadow is our vulnerable parts, unmet needs, unfelt emotion, and the strategies we use to keep ourselves safe. But we are also holding distance and un-awareness for a reason, so shadow work simply involves dipping into those places to learn and to heal.
Shadow has value and purpose. Working with these places allows us to learn to understand those deeper parts. As we explore with curiosity and gentle attention, we can befriend the shadow.
Why do shadow work?
Healing, true healing, involves getting to know all parts of ourselves. When we start healing trauma or grief, we focus on safety, regulation, and balance. But it’s not realistic to expect that we can always stay in that safe, comfortable place or that we can get to a point where we only feel positive emotions or only have good experiences.
You will be triggered again. You’ll be reminded of your loss. You’ll feel anxious, sad, scared, angry, shamed, or any of a thousand other feelings.
Shadow work allows us to get comfortable with all these emotions and parts of ourselves. We learn that every part has a purpose. Every emotion carries a message about us or about our environment.
Shadow work also helps us to examine and question the habits and defenses that keep us safe and learn what is truly behind them. Things like perfectionism and intellectualism are often defenses against pain. But on the outside, they can look like good and healthy behavior. We don’t often question things going well, which creates a large shadow in our awareness.
Being able to name our habits and traits, even the difficult ones, helps us develop a fuller understanding of who we are and how we operate. We can start to notice the difference between satisfaction in a job well done versus the shame-fueled drive of perfectionism.
Look for shadows when…
Things feel like they’re falling into patterns.
Here we go again
Why does this always happen?
I keep dating the same sort of person
This is just the way I am
We each have our narratives of how the world works and how we are in the world. Stories like “I’m just lucky, I guess,” or “Nothing good happens in February.”
In general, these stores are perceptual biases and don’t reflect the full reality. People with a negative bias tend to dismiss positive events and people with a positive bias dismiss negative events. Your perception of life shows your tendency toward bias which is an opportunity to explore what’s in the shadow here.
Certain comments hurt you or stick with you more.
If someone comes up to you and lets you know that you have purple skin (and you don’t), their comment feels weird but you’re more likely to wonder what’s up with them than to think there’s something off about you.
To use an example that gets more to the heart of the matter, someone commenting on your body can feel like a neutral statement of their opinion or it can feel deeply hurtful. The difference is in your shadow. If you’re not comfortable in your own body (whether you are fat or thin), body-focused comments will be sticky for you. They’ll hit harder and sink deeper. You’ll think back on the comments and have an emotional reaction to them.
Other people’s behavior really gets to you
Someone doesn’t put the shopping cart away. They’re having a personal phone conversation on the bus. They cut in line.
Annoying? Sure. Infuriating? There might be something in your shadow. Still bothering you days later when you tell someone else about it? Shadow.
There are two possible reasons for this. First, you may be rejecting that same habit or trait in yourself. Or you may lack that trait and feel jealous of the other person.
Identity starts to feel like a defining trait
I always laugh when I feel uncomfortable
I’m an introvert
I suck at math
I’m just not that sort of person
When we use habits to define ourselves, that’s a sign of a shadow. Labeling traits as simply part of our identity allows us to excuse those parts of ourselves instead of examining them or working to change them.
If you want to exercise more but you’ve decided that you’re “just not an athletic type”, you have a built in excuse to stay sedentary. This is where our shadow can be at odds with our values. Maybe you really like hiking when you do it, but your identity as a homebody keeps you stuck indoors. This dissonance between parts can feel somatically and psychologically stressful.
How to do shadow work
There are many shadow work journals, workbooks, and other resources online if you want to do shadow work by yourself. But I truly think that shadow work is impossible to fully complete on your own.
Part of the nature of our shadow is that it’s our blind spot, and by definition that includes many parts that you are unable to see. I believe that therapy is an ideal format to do shadow work because your therapist’s job is to hold a secure container to help you do this deep work. Of course, if you have safe friendships and relationships, those people can help you see your shadow.
Somatic therapy gives you unique insights into your shadow by examining your physical impressions, feelings, and responses to what’s going on inside and outside of you. Our minds are good at tuning out our shadows, but our bodies reveal how we’re really feeling.
Work with me and befriend your shadow
Your free 15 minute consultation is a great start. We’ll touch on the issues that are currently affecting your life and I’ll let you know how I can help with your unique situation. Get started here.