Frequently asked questions about therapy for grief and loss

How do I know if I need grief counseling?

Grief does not have a timeline where we can say definitively that your grief has gone on for too long. Some people seek out grief counseling in the early days after a loss when things feel fresh and intense. Others reach out months or years later when they recognize there are certain emotions and memories still unresolved after all that time.

If you find yourself ruminating on regrets, replaying painful memories, feeling intense guilt that won’t resolve, or reeling from memory after memory overwhelming you every moment you pause, grief therapy can offer a steady place to sort through your thoughts and experiences. You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable before you reach out.

Is it normal to feel relief, anger, or mixed emotions after someone dies?

In short? Yes, it’s normal. Grief is rarely simple or one-dimensional. You might feel both sadness and relief at the same time, especially if you were caregiving and your loved one was a bit of a burden at the end. Or if they were suffering and you’re happy they are finally out of pain even as you’re grieving their loss. You may feel anger toward someone who hurt you even as you miss them- or just miss the opportunity you might have had to hear them apologize for the hurt they caused. After divorce or estrangement, you might miss the good parts of the relationship while fully knowing the relationship wasn’t good for you.

Grief therapy creates space for all your emotions and thoughts, even the ones that don’t feel good or acceptable to admit out loud.

How long does grief last?

There is no set timeline for grief. For many people, the intensity softens and shifts over time. For others, there are painful parts of the loss that still feel active even after time, particularly when something feels unfinished or unresolved. Grief therapy isn’t about getting you through the process as fast as possible. It’s about helping you carry your memories of the loss while keeping you moving forward.

Can grief come back years later?

Yes. Grief often resurfaces during anniversaries, life transitions, or moments when you wish the person were still here. Even years later, certain memories or unfinished business can come forward into your life again. Grief therapy can help you process these experiences so they feel less overwhelming and more integrated into your life story.

What is non-death loss?

Also called a “living loss”, a non-death loss happens when the person you’re grieving isn’t dead but still separated from you by divorce, cognitive decline, physical distance, family estrangement, or life transitions. Since the person hasn’t died, you may feel like your grief isn’t justified or isn’t “bad enough” for you to access grief resources. But these living losses can be incredibly painful because the person may still be in your life, or they may be accessible but they’re not the same as they used to be.

How do I cope with disenfranchised grief?

Disenfranchised grief happens when we have a death or loss that we’re not really allowed to acknowledge because it’s taboo, shameful, or sensitive to talk about. This can be death from suicide, drug overdose, self harm, risky behavior, or criminal behavior. It could also look like living losses due to incarceration, severe mental illness, violence, or forced relocation. Therapy is an effective place to help you cope with disenfranchised grief because all forms of loss are welcome here. You will never be judged for the circumstances of your loss.

What happens in grief therapy?

Grief therapy with me is relational and exploratory. We spend time talking through what happened before, during, and after the loss, looking especially for the parts that still feel raw or unfinished. Sometimes healing looks like writing letters, creating rituals, or talking through conversations that were never able to happen. Often it means having space to talk about all of it without being rushed into solutions. The goal of grief therapy isn’t to erase your loss- that can’t happen. It’s to help you feel more grounded and centered as you hold the pain alongside hope for your future.

Do you offer online grief therapy in California?

Yes. I offer online therapy for grief and loss for people in Aptos and throughout California. We’ll meet for sessions by secure video, allowing you to access support from the comfort of your home.

Is this a structured grief program?

No, this is not a step by step or curriculum based grief program. While structured programs can help, my approach is individualized and relational. If you’re looking for a more structured format, I’m happy to provide referrals to grief support groups or programs that might be a better fit.