Grief and Loss Therapy
A place to talk about the complicated parts of loss, even the ones that don’t feel acceptable to say out loud. I offer online grief therapy from Aptos for people across California who are carrying losses that feel unresolved, complicated, or nontraditional.
Grief doesn’t always look the way people expect it to
Maybe the loss happened months or even years ago. Still, you find that certain moments catch you off guard- seeing their favorite cereal on the shelves at the store, noticing the date on the calendar, hearing their favorite band on the radio. You catch yourself expecting them to walk through the door or be just there sitting in their favorite chair in the evening. You just want to talk to them about what’s going on, and every time you have to remind yourself they’re not here anymore.
Sometimes grief stays active long after others expect it to fade. You may still find yourself replaying moments, circling unanswered questions, or feeling pulled back into the loss in ways that surprise you. This is often called complicated or prolonged grief, and it doesn’t mean you’re grieving incorrectly. It usually means something important about the loss hasn’t had space to be fully processed yet.
For some people, the grief isn’t just about missing someone, it’s about what was left unfinished:
Things you wish you had said or done differently
Conversations you wanted to have someday
Events they won’t be around for
Apologies you never gave or received
The version of life you thought you would have
If you were a caregiver for a while before their death, you may feel relief along with the sadness- and then guilt for feeling relieved. If the person who died harmed you, or if you had been estranged for years, the loss can stir up complicated emotions- anger, confusion, peace, even a sense of freedom. After a divorce or separation, you might know the relationship wasn’t healthy and still find yourself missing your ex-spouse.
When your complicated emotions don’t fit the simple grief story people expect, it can feel like you don’t know where to turn for support. And sometimes the hardest part of grief is how alone it can feel once the initial support fades. The world moves forward, people stop asking how you’re doing, and you may even feel pressure to be “past it” by now.
How I work with grief
Grief often lingers when something about the loss feels unfinished. In therapy, we gently turn toward the memories, conversations, and questions that still carry emotional weight.
Because grief affects both mind and body, we sometimes use tangible practices like writing letters, creating rituals, or speaking words that were never able to be said. These experiences can help bring a sense of closure even when the other person is no longer here.
Through exploring your grief and working through what comes up, many of my clients find that they are able to get a sense of closure even without the other person here. Resolution can happen from within through the process of gently looking at the core longings underneath the emotions and memories. We’ll really take time here, understanding what’s happening under the surface to help your grief feel really genuinely held and seen.
This doesn’t erase the loss or wrap things up neatly. But it can ease the restless feeling that something important was left undone, and it can help you carry the memories of this loss in a way that feels more contained.
Therapy for grief can help you…
Handle the waves of emotions so you can hold the memories you have without falling apart
Tell the story of your loss without feelings of guilt or regret dominating the picture
Remember how things were without feeling the need to idealize the past or erase the painful parts
Start to imagine a hopeful future with new meaning and connections
Create a life that honors your loss without being defined by it
Types of loss I work with:
Grief isn’t limited to the loss of a person through death. Many people seek grief therapy for non-death losses that change the shape of your life just as profoundly, even when they’re less publicly acknowledged or understood. I work with people navigating a wide range of losses including those that are complex or ambiguous.
This includes grief related to the death of someone important to you as well as losses that come through divorce, separation, or estrangement- relationships that have ended, changed, or become unreachable in ways that still carry emotional weight. These losses often involve not only the person themselves, but also the life, identity, or future you imagined alongside them.
I also work with grief connected to infertility, pregnancy loss, or the loss of a hoped-for future. These experiences carry a particular kind of grief, one that isn’t always visible to others but that can deeply affect how you understand your body, your sense of meaning, and your place in the world.
While the circumstances of these losses differ, many people find that they bring similar questions beneath the surface: Who am I now? What has changed? How do I live with what didn’t happen or couldn’t continue? In therapy, we make room to explore these questions at a pace that feels respectful of your experience without rushing toward resolution or explanation.
This work may be a good fit if:
Your grief feels ongoing, complicated, or difficult to explain. Even if a lot of time has passed, there’s something about the loss that still feels unfinished.
You find yourself circling the same regrets, unanswered questions, and mixed emotions that don’t feel easy to talk about with others.
You’re functioning on the outside, but inside you feel altered, unmoored, or unsure how to orient yourself after a loss.
You find that grief shows up quietly as numbness, self-criticism, anxiety, or a sense of disconnection rather than as constant sadness.
You’re carrying grief related to death, divorce, separation, estrangement, infertility, or a future that never came to be.
You’re not looking for advice, timelines, or reassurance, but for space to understand how this loss has changed you.
You want a slower, reflective approach that allows meaning and integration to unfold over time instead of feeling rushed toward positivity and quick answers.
You don’t have to be in the immediate aftermath of a loss to begin this work. Sometimes grief becomes more complicated with time, especially when the world has moved on, but something in you hasn’t.
While I do support people in the early days after a death or major life change, this space is especially supportive for those who are still carrying something unresolved.
Together, let’s find a way to honor your loss without letting it redefine your future
If you’re living with grief that feels complicated, unfinished, or heavier than it seems like it “should” be, you don’t have to hold it alone. Therapy can be a place to speak honestly about what you miss, what you regret, what still hurts, and what you’re not sure is okay to feel.
If you're looking for grief therapy in Aptos or anywhere in California and this approach resonates, you're welcome to reach out for a consultation. This initial conversation is a chance to meet, talk a bit about what you’re carrying, and see whether working together feels like a good fit.
There’s no expectation to have the right words or a clear plan for what you want to work on. We can move slowly and thoughtfully, beginning wherever you are.
A chance to meet and see if working together feels right without obligation.
Frequently asked questions about therapy for grief and loss
How do I know if I need grief counseling?
Grief does not have a timeline where we can say definitively that your grief has gone on for too long. Some people seek out grief counseling in the early days after a loss when things feel fresh and intense. Others reach out months or years later when they recognize there are certain emotions and memories still unresolved after all that time.
If you find yourself ruminating on regrets, replaying painful memories, feeling intense guilt that won’t resolve, or reeling from memory after memory overwhelming you every moment you pause, grief therapy can offer a steady place to sort through your thoughts and experiences. You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable before you reach out.
Is it normal to feel relief, anger, or mixed emotions after someone dies?
In short? Yes, it’s normal. Grief is rarely simple or one-dimensional. You might feel both sadness and relief at the same time, especially if you were caregiving and your loved one was a bit of a burden at the end. Or if they were suffering and you’re happy they are finally out of pain even as you’re grieving their loss. You may feel anger toward someone who hurt you even as you miss them- or just miss the opportunity you might have had to hear them apologize for the hurt they caused. After divorce or estrangement, you might miss the good parts of the relationship while fully knowing the relationship wasn’t good for you.
Grief therapy creates space for all your emotions and thoughts, even the ones that don’t feel good or acceptable to admit out loud.
How long does grief last?
There is no set timeline for grief. For many people, the intensity softens and shifts over time. For others, there are painful parts of the loss that still feel active even after time, particularly when something feels unfinished or unresolved. Grief therapy isn’t about getting you through the process as fast as possible. It’s about helping you carry your memories of the loss while keeping you moving forward.
Can grief come back years later?
Yes. Grief often resurfaces during anniversaries, life transitions, or moments when you wish the person were still here. Even years later, certain memories or unfinished business can come forward into your life again. Grief therapy can help you process these experiences so they feel less overwhelming and more integrated into your life story.
What is non-death loss?
Also called a “living loss”, a non-death loss happens when the person you’re grieving isn’t dead but still separated from you by divorce, cognitive decline, physical distance, family estrangement, or life transitions. Since the person hasn’t died, you may feel like your grief isn’t justified or isn’t “bad enough” for you to access grief resources. But these living losses can be incredibly painful because the person may still be in your life, or they may be accessible but they’re not the same as they used to be.
How do I cope with disenfranchised grief?
Disenfranchised grief happens when we have a death or loss that we’re not really allowed to acknowledge because it’s taboo, shameful, or sensitive to talk about. This can be death from suicide, drug overdose, self harm, risky behavior, or criminal behavior. It could also look like living losses due to incarceration, severe mental illness, violence, or forced relocation. Therapy is an effective place to help you cope with disenfranchised grief because all forms of loss are welcome here. You will never be judged for the circumstances of your loss.
What happens in grief therapy?
Grief therapy with me is relational and exploratory. We spend time talking through what happened before, during, and after the loss, looking especially for the parts that still feel raw or unfinished. Sometimes healing looks like writing letters, creating rituals, or talking through conversations that were never able to happen. Often it means having space to talk about all of it without being rushed into solutions. The goal of grief therapy isn’t to erase your loss- that can’t happen. It’s to help you feel more grounded and centered as you hold the pain alongside hope for your future.
Do you offer online grief therapy in California?
Yes. I offer online therapy for grief and loss for people in Aptos and throughout California. We’ll meet for sessions by secure video, allowing you to access support from the comfort of your home.
Is this a structured grief program?
No, this is not a step by step or curriculum based grief program. While structured programs can help, my approach is individualized and relational. If you’re looking for a more structured format, I’m happy to provide referrals to grief support groups or programs that might be a better fit.