Lessons from Mindfulness
The primary thing we learn from mindfulness is how to cultivate a beginner’s mind. Returning to the practice when we’re distracted is the foundation of mindfulness. This is because we never “succeed” at mindfulness, at least not in the way most people think about mindfulness.
As thinking, feeling humans we will always have thoughts, emotions, and body sensations interrupting us. There is never a point where we can just focus on the breath and have our minds become perfectly still for the duration of a meditation session. And that’s good because that’s not really the point.
Meditation is not about making our minds perfectly still or about controlling our inner experiences. It’s about noticing when we’re being pulled away and returning gently without judgment.
The second thing we learn from mindfulness is that the narratives we attach to thoughts, feelings, memories, and emotions are often the part that hurts more. When we can notice our thoughts as thoughts and simply let them be, we can step around the secondary pain that comes from the meanings we attach to those thoughts.
And often, those narratives cause the very pain we are trying to avoid. If I have a big presentation tomorrow, it’s natural for me to be nervous about it. If I can notice the nerves, the worry thoughts, and the tightness in my stomach when they come up, I can accept them and move on with the rest of my day. I can do things that are helpful like preparing material for the presentation, getting a good night’s rest, or going over speaking tips. But if I get caught up in the worry thoughts, my mind spirals through all the possibilities of what could go wrong. Maybe I’ll do such a bad job that I’ll be fired. Maybe people will laugh at me. The frenetic energy of worrying might keep me from sleeping, and I might feel too nervous to focus on any preparations I need to do. Poorly rested and less prepared, I’m more likely to do poorly on the presentation which feeds future anxious worry.
This also holds true with something like an annoying noise. If my neighbors are all getting construction done on their houses, the sounds of saws, hammers, shouts, and jackhammers are disruptive on their own. Mindfulness teaches us to notice the sounds and accept them as they are. The alternative is to let my mind fall into a story about the noise. It’s bothering me. They should be more courteous. I never get a break from the constant construction sounds. These thoughts lead to more unpleasant emotions like frustration, anger, irritability, or resentment. It’s not the noise that creates the emotion, it’s the story I’ve attached to the noise.
The third thing we learn from mindfulness is how to have a beginner’s mind. In this case, it’s how to begin again after missing a day (or more). When we set out to start a new habit, it can feel discouraging to forget. But coming back is its own skill to learn. It’s the resilience to return to the practice even when we feel like we’re not good at it or we’re just not able to stay as consistent as we’d like.
Here too is an opportunity to notice the thoughts and feelings without judgment, just noticing and letting go. We notice our tendency to connect missing a day of mindfulness with our broader narrative of “all those things you failed at” or “can never follow through when it’s important” and get stuck in the story. Or we can simply begin again right now regardless of how we’re feeling.
Mindfulness is a practice where we can always begin again.
Hi, I’m Jessica. As a licensed therapist, I help people navigate life’s most difficult seasons like anxiety, grief, and trauma by mastering the art of beginning again with mindfulness. I work with you to untangle the painful stories we tell ourselves so you can find a path forward.
If you’re a California resident ready to learn how to step out of autopilot and respond to life differently, contact me here or learn more about how I work.