Crafting Your Grief Story

Grief and loss are inevitable parts of life. We first learn how to handle grief from our families of origin as we see them navigate life. Writing a grief narrative can be a helpful way to examine your grief story- even if you haven’t encountered a loss yet.

Your Family Story

Thinking back, what stories did you hear about death, loss, and grief from your parents or caregivers?

Did you ever see pictures or hear stories of grandparents or great grandparents who had died before you were born?

How did your parents talk about previous generations and ancestors?

What did you see your parents do when they experienced a non-death loss like losing a job, crashing a car, or losing money?

How did your parents handle the deaths of any pets you had growing up?

When you were older and the family experienced a death or loss, what did your parents tell you about the loss? Did they grieve in front of you or only in private?

If you showed emotion as part of your grief, how did your parents handle your feelings, grief, and questions?

Your Spiritual Story

Most religions and spiritual paradigms offer a lens through which we can understand death as a part of life. Look back from childhood to the present day and explore the ways you have understood death from a spiritual perspective throughout your life.

What religious or spiritual perspectives did you grow up with? Did your family’s experience match what they believed or were their actions different from what they said they believed?

How did your family’s religious or spiritual belief help or hurt them as they dealt with death and loss?

How have your religious and spiritual beliefs changed or grown from childhood until now?

What do you currently believe happens when someone dies?

Do you believe there is a greater purpose behind death and loss?

Loss Stories

Write down all the losses you have experienced. These can be big or small. Notice how you processed the loss emotionally and how you handled it.

What dreams or goals did you have that aren’t possible anymore or maybe never were possible?

How has your health and ability changed over time where you’ve lost functioning?

Did you have friends move away or were you the one who left your friend group?

Have you lost a friend after an argument or disagreement?

Did you have to give away possessions or pets?

Have you lost a job or volunteer position?

Of the past places you’ve lived or visited, are any of them no longer accessible?

Death Stories

Write down all the deaths you have been aware of during your life so far and how you either grieved or didn’t grieve those losses.

Pets who have died since you’ve known them.

Friends who have died from childhood to now.

Extended family members you weren’t particularly close to.

Parents, siblings, children, or a partner.

Close people for whom you were a primary caregiver as they died.

People who were important figures in your community.

People who had a meaningful impact on your life.

People who harmed or abused you.

Those who died suddenly, where their death came as a shock or surprise.

Those who died by suicide.

Those who died by community violence, intimate partner violence, or a targeted attack.

Those who died slowly.

Those who lost their memory years before they died so it feels like you lost them a long time before they actually passed.

Process Your Grief Story

Do you notice any trends in the ways you’ve dealt with grief and loss throughout your life? Do you process grief in the same way as your family of origin did or have you chosen to grieve in a different way?

If there’s any part of your story that you want to discuss with a therapist who specializes in grief and loss, grief therapy can help. Some people really benefit from taking one or two therapy sessions to go over their grief story and discuss the patterns and insights they have gained from this process.

Learn more about me here or read about grief counseling here. Or click here to contact me or schedule a free 15 minute consultation.