Creating Space with Mindfulness
One of the best skills you can learn with mindfulness is how to create mental and emotional space for yourself no matter what’s going on around you.
This is helpful because realistically, you can’t always step away from a stressful situation or go find a dark quiet room to decompress.
Being able to create your own space where you can find calm in the chaos allows you to give yourself the Pause where you can take intentional action that matches your values instead of being reactive.
Notice the signs you need space
Take some time right now and think back to the last time you felt stressed out and overwhelmed by what was going on around you. Pay attention to how it felt in your body and in your mind. Notice how your thoughts and emotions responded to the stress. Notice if your body is starting to feel similar even now as you’re thinking about it.
For me it’s a sense of something like buzzing under my skin. It feels warm, and the muscles around my shoulders start to feel tense. If the stress doesn’t go away, I start to feel it in my neck and jaw.
We practice this with the memory of a past time because it’s easier than trying to do it in the moment of overwhelm. Even memory can carry body reactions, so as we continue this exercise, try to pick a memory that still brings up those feelings of stress in your body.
Take a breath and go inward
The breath grounds and centers you. When we’re shifting into our adrenaline and cortisol fueled fight or flight system, our breath gets shallow to prepare us for action. We focus on the danger and our awareness shifts outward. Deep, intentional breaths are a body-based, bottom-up signal that things are okay. As we calm the body, we start to create the space for mental awareness. We can change our focus to our internal experience and notice the tension, notice the somatic feelings, notice the thoughts and emotions we’re feeling.
Observing from a neutral standpoint without judgment lets you take an honest look at what’s going on. Take this time to just look. Often times, just that awareness is enough to shift us out of the stress response. Stress is a signal, and as we let our bodies know we’ve received the message, we’re free to let go of the stress. Again, this practice takes time and trust built within your relationship to yourself. If you’ve had a hostile relationship with your body, it may not let go of the stress because it can’t trust you yet.
Connect with your values
As you face the person or situation that has you stressed, turn your awareness toward your values. How do you want to act here? What is the outcome you want? How do you want to feel when this is over? Are there any helpful actions you can take? Is this a situation to accept or one to walk away from?
Center yourself in the calm
Connecting with your values is often enough to shift you toward calm, but if you need additional support to get that inner peace, there are a number of visualization or meditation strategies you can use.
You can center yourself using a mantra or a reminder of your values and how you want to be. You can also use an image of yourself in a safe, calm place. Find a place within yourself that’s already feeling the way you want to feel and send your awareness there. Even if it’s just a tiny part of yourself.
Give yourself time
Stress creates a sense of pressure. It can feel like there’s no time, or like these overwhelming feelings are going to last forever. But that’s not true. Even big emotions can be pretty short lived. Keep on with the deep breaths and focus on your calm until the immediate emotions pass. You’ll often be surprised how little time it actually takes to ride the wave of an emotion.
When the immediacy of the emotion or stress has passed, you can return to the situation and decide what you want to do based on your values instead of feeling reactive.